Day 12 without food: A look back on the lessons I have learned

Hi everyone,

Well, today is Day 12 of my 14 days of liquids. My surgery is in 2 days and I am a little freaked out, to be honest.

I wanted to share with you what happened to me the other day. I went in for my pre-surgery screening on Thursday. They had me fill out an "anesthesia questionnaire" which I answered honestly. One of the questions was, "do you have any loose teeth?" Now, I am a person who has had issues with my teeth all my life, and I am very, very sensitive about this subject. I can't talk about it without becoming very emotional. I have some teeth on my lower jaw that are loose, and one in particular, in the front, was in bad shape. So, when I read that question, I answered "Yes." When they were doing my exam, they examined my teeth and told me, a little flippantly, "Oh, that tooth will have to be removed before you have surgery."

Let me stop here and give the newbies a lesson on Intubation. When you have your surgery, they will have to insert a tube down your throat so you can breathe. They use a special tool that they use for the insertion that put pressure on the lower teeth and can sometimes break them or knock them out. Therefore, if they are loose or break off, it can go down your throat or into your lung. This, of course, is not a good thing to happen before you surgery. The anesthesiologist can refuse to do your intubation and your surgery would be cancelled if he/she felt your loose teeth were an issue.

Now, getting back to my story. So upon hearing that my tooth was too loose and may cancel my surgery, I immediately went to pieces. I hap been preparing for this for months, I was 6 days away from surgery, and now they are telling me to have teeth removed too? I thought to myself, "6 months of dieting, a small fortune spent on seeing specialists, and 10 days with NO FOOD, and now THIS? No way! I am cancelling this surgery." I drove over to Sophia's office and had a complete melt down with her. We talked about it, and decided that if I had the tooth removed that day, I had enough time for it to heal and still have my bypass. Thank God for you, Sophia, because I felt much better when I left. So, I drove over to see my dentist, intent on having one tooth removed but when he examined the tooth he determined that there was more than just the one tooth that was a problem and if I had one pulled, the rest would simply loosen up even more. My heart completely deflated. Now I sat in my dentist office in tears as well at the thought of either having more teeth pulled or cancelling my surgery. My dentist told me not to worry, that he would try to brace the teeth with a splint and adhesive. It would be a temporary fix but it should get me thru the surgery. But he couldn't do it until the next day. Oh, and, by the way, it will cost 600 dollars, too. I felt completely beaten at this moment. And all I really wanted to do was to go to my favorite pizza place down the street and forget about everyone and everything and drown my sorrows in my favorite food.

But I didn't. Instead, I made the appointment, went home and made myself a shake. The fact that I didn't eat that night, is perhaps the biggest test I passed during this journey. Living without food for all this time has really displayed my food addiction before my eyes and I have had no other choice but to examine it further. It has also given me a peek at what my new life is going to be like. At least now I feel more prepared to enter "the other side" of my life.

I offer this to those who are behind me on the road to surgery:

1. If you have had any kind of dental problems in your past that have caused your teeth to loosen or shift, talk to your dentist first and make sure your teeth are in the proper condition for intubation. There is nothing in any of the literature that you have been given that warns you of this.

2. The liquid diet may seem horrible, but in retrospect, it works like a detox program forcing you to step away from your crutch and learn to walk on your own. There are other programs that allow patients to go on liquids for only 5 days, or to not go on liquids at all. Thankfully, Dr. Buchin's program is teaching us early to eat to live and to not live to eat.

In one of my poems I once wrote, "I am bleeding but not broken, wounded but not dead." And I can honestly say that for the first time in a very long time, I am damn proud of myself.

Thank you all for your support during this time. I'll see you on Tuesday.