Hey all ... I got my surgery date on Tuesday!
What a range of emotions I went and still are going thru. No pun here but it was like a great weight lifted off me. I still have this worry that something will screw it up and it will be delayed again. It can't come too soon. I have never pictured myself a worrier and this is making me crazy. Getting ready is keeping me, my mind busy. I have 26 days left ... 26 nights (so far sleeping ok) only 12 days until I start liquids. This is going to be a long 26 days! It's such a relief to get on here and spew. Most times I don't make any sense and it's just like emptying my head/emotions on the screen. And I tell you I get more from seeing everyone progress at the meetings and hearing each persons story than I had ever imagined. When I started I looked at the meetings as an obligation that I had to complete in order to furfill the necessity before surgery. Now I look at the meetings as being an even more important tool in my future life, possibly more improtant than the surgery. I mean the surgery is a tool, you get placed in your hands a wonderful tool that allows you to change your life. But face it, we as humans are creatures of habit. We are more likely to return to old bad habits than to be successful at changing. We need each other to be successful in continuing our journey. As I attend meetings and talk to others and even more importantly listen to others I can see that the surgery is not the goal.... it's just the beginning. It's like we are a football team we just won the coin toss and have elected to receive the ball. Here I am waiting for the kick off. There is Dr. Buchin, arm in the air as he approaches the ball and "boot" the ball is in the air heading to me. I will catch it of course and run back as well as I can but then the team needs to be there to move down the field. The field of life. If we don't have a team, don't have plays being called in from the sidelines. It's very unlikely that we will win the game. We may catch the ball and make a spectacular return but we are not likely to do that all the time. The opposing team is all the naysayers, all the obstacles, and old habits in my life. The field is the table (beakfast lunch or dinner table). We all have to be the quarterbacks of our futures but we need the team! We need to pull together to support each other to overcome the obstacles that pop up! If you know anything about sports you have heard the saying "there's no I in team." And if you have played organized sports you are aware that no matter how super your teams super star is he (I or you) can't do it alone. Many of you have read Osk posting about his role playing weekends. It's not solitaire. He needs other people there for it to be a successful weekend. On an even more important level I am coming to believe that these meetings are going to be the most important part of my future relationship (or lack thereof) with food and overcoming bad habits and ultimately success with my wight loss and healthy life goals. If you knew me in my personal life I am the last person that wants more responsibilities or more people in my life, especially on such a personal level. But I need everyone at the meetings. I so glad that the group we have is so great! I mean at this point if for some reason we couldn't host the meetings at Dr.Buchins office I would make sure we could do them somewhere. I haven't had the surgery yet but I can see clearly that I will need the other people who I have met just as much....
Well if nothing else this has been good typing practice. Hope to see you all soon.
PS as it stands right now I will be on "the other side" 03/25 sometime in the late morning hours.
Tony
